/  being different

Being different in the midst of societal pressure for conformity is not easy. Within the societal context coming out as a lesbian, as a trans person, as gender non-conforming, as polyamorous, or as anything that is not celebrated as “normal”, is hard. And most people think it is something that you have to do once, but it isn’t. It is actually something that you have to do every day.  And it can be as exhilarating and joyful, as it can be devastating and exhausting. And the more proud and joyful you want to be about it the more devastating and exhausting it becomes.  It is easier to come out as anything if you can show appropriate remorse and misery about it. My family and friends seem to respond better if I tell them that I become physically nauseous (which I do) when people misgender me. By responding better I mean especially in terms of making an actual effort to try not to misgender me. They seem to evaluate it as a factor of less importance when I tell them that my identity, being a person without gender, gives me profound joy. Wanting is seldom approved if the motivation is joy. Joy is suspicious, it is considered selfish, dangerous, even arrogant.